The shoe dropped

Back from 2014 it has been quite an open/new experience for me to have.  I have met someone who is truly special to me and I recognized it immediately.  He wasn't someone I talked about in my passing blogs because it was a short moment I wanted to take in and not jinxs myself. 

It was Nov. of 2013 when a friend of mine introduced us.  I was open because I trust his judgment he kept saying we could be a good match so I was anxious to meet this person.  Eventually I became impatient and saw his profile page on fb.  First off he is very handsome yes he definitely fit the physical profile of what I like in a guy.  Second what really hooked me what his postings were about and cute sentimental videos about life, appreciating the little things and what we're missing out.  That video post struck me because I saw a bit of his personality in this postings and how he viewed the world.  I really wanted to meet him so I told me friend hey if you do plan for us to get together let it happen naturally don't mention I'll be there nor let him know I want to meet him just invite me out and let him see for himself.  I went this route so there would be no awkwardness and humiliation on my end if he wasn't interested. 

That meeting happened and I made sure I was at my natural state.  I didn't want to be flashy, eager, or even look like I'm trying.  I wanted him to see ME.  I was ready for a real connection at it's raw stage with no expectations and nothing to lose.  I was nervous walking in but I immediately sucked it up with "you may not like him Estelle" and that was my mindset.  It was love at first sight for me and we we hit it off instantly and before the end of the night I took that leap of faith and asked him if he was going to call me.  He was surprised I was even interested because he wasn't sure if I was interested.  That gave him the signal and he took it.  We were hooked on each other for 7 days straight no "nooky" either.  He was a total gentlemen and I felt a strong connection the whole time. 

The shoe dropped when an ex wanted to get back with him and he decided to give love a second chance.  I was crushed and of course said to myself only I can experience something too good to be true.  That began the spark of just doing me in 2014. 

It's been a whole year from my last blog!

Wow reading my last blog brought a tear to my eye.  I remember it like it was yesterday what happened in 2014.  I was in control and living in the moment for a while until "true" love swept me off my feet.

Where do I begin in 2015?   I was talking about loneliness and complacency last year and I'm here in the same boat all over again.  I hate it!   It forces me to make drastic moves with myself but for some reason this time around I've decided to be still.  Just be in these dire moments and just take it for what it is.  Nothing more nothing less.  I say this because last year I did make some changes for me.  I wind up taking a side part time job that I enjoyed very much, made some new friends along the way, and earning extra cash.  I was good.  Before that I took some small trips to visit friends and even had opportunities to take advantage of these free trips that I had on my bucket list was great.  2014 had me open to new adventures and it really didn't kick in till I was dating the guy from my last blog. 

I really did enjoy him.  He taught me a lot about myself.  Now that I look back on it he really did come into my life as a season to teach me something.  To live in the moment.  I lived in the moment but on a selfish end.  I finally was at a place where I had consistent company and being spoiled and I was steadily busy doing my own thing.  I was definitely living in the moment.  Things were going well for us.  There were minor things I wasn't satisfied with because I wanted more.  Not so much more from him but just wanted something to show for in general in my life.  I suppose planning trips somewhere, meeting close friends and family gave me something to look forward to.  We didn't do much of that.  It was like he was my private relationship.  Which was great practice being steadily and only with one person constantly.  I haven't had that in a long time so it was comforting to have someone there.  He was slowly meeting my friends and I met his but it felt fake because we/I knew there was an end game, (there I go not living in the moment) so we played along like we were so happy just for the sake of "happiness"?  I dont know.  We did enjoy each other's company because that's all I had until a friend from my past came into the picture and rocked my world that's what caused me to be MIA in 2014.  So let the stories begin as I recover and discover what it is I need to change this year.....hello 2015!