Friday, April 22, 2011

I need an apology

I need to hear you say it.  I need you to acknowledge the fact you were wrong and acting a fool.  And the fact you may be bipolar.  Your acknowledgment may be a start to your life and possibility of rekindling our friendship.  I can't pretend what happened between us didn't happen.  The fact you were immature and couldn't talk to me make me feel so low and that I did something beyond wrong.  The way you behaved and said you didn't want to say anything you regret would make things worse.  WTF did I do to make you feel that way and what the hell did I do in the last 90 minutes to make your blood pressure boil.  Ok we both may have had drinks but I know myself and the nature I may be so I for darn sure I wouldn't do anything vicious or conniving to hurt anyone especially people I care about.  So for you to be upset has to be deeper than what happened.  If you're going to blame me please take a look at yourself before you blame your pain and hurt.  The last thing I want for anyone to endure is to know I was part of their pain and hurt.  I just want you to acknowledge whatever happened between us will not happen again.  I suppose theirs no guarantee to that but at least a start to our friendship and misunderstanding is to understand ourselves first.  Please I'm open and want to learn how I can be a better person to establish a better friendship between us.  But for you to pretend time will heal things is just time prolonged.  We need to get to the root because we can all pretend nothing happen but in the back of my mind my walls are up and I can't be genuine and true to you or me.  So if you want us to get back to where we started I need to know you know that I know this is something that can't be let go so easily.  So please let's not fake the funk by letting steam cool off because the steam may have left but burns can leave scars for a long long time.  The truth is I don't know if I'm ready to rekindle our friendship.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Dam you Walt Disney

A girlfriend of mine from work cracked me up the other day.  She's 40 years old still fabulous but single with no kids never been married.  We talk all the time about relationships and her history of guys.  I categorize her as my age group because she still looks young but dang she has 10 years on me and she's very wise and experienced of course.  Sometimes I forget.  Anyways what struck me is she still believes in her Prince Charming.  She blames it on Walt Disney is what she called it.  The fairy tale the handsome guy coming to save her on a white horse.  I said you don't mean that literally do you cuz first off that's impossible to find a white horse anywhere lmao.  Ok bad joke.  Anyways she truly does believe in it and it amazes me especially at her age.  I'm sorry 40 is like if it hasn't came yet honey ya missed somewhere in the back.  I'm sure there were eligible men that crossed her path that she could of jumped the band wagon with.  She's very attractive, easy going gal so I'm sure having a random date wouldn't even be a problem for her.  Then I said you must be really really picky to continue waiting for someone.  She said no not really just an honest all around good guy.  She said she's very traditional when it comes to being courted and a man being a man and all.  I understand that I'm sure it's not hard to find.  Keep in mind yall she's not Black and she's not checking for Black men.  Sad to say but her chances are really high to find someone on her caliber now that we cleared that issue.  So back to being courted and having a gentleman treat her like a lady is great but the catch is she's not giving it up either.  She is holding on to the cookie till that guy gives her the commitment.  That's her Price Charming!  The one who will wait and still be solely in love with her.  WOW!  Yeh good luck with that.  Not to sound pessimistic as I responded to her ideals but I asked in general do you know any men who would be that kind of guy.  She said yes she does....ok and have you dated them?  Her response oh they're married, in a relationship etc.  Ok do you know any single men who you think would wait?  And still she said yes but for some reason I still didn't get a clear answer as to why she wasn't interested in them.  Yes the dating game in this 21st century wasn't like it use to be.  But is she just in lala land?  or is it ok to believe because maybe as the story goes dreams do come true?  I was struck by her ideals but I can't fault her for it.  I suppose to dream big is better than living in a nightmare with someone you slightly care for.  To each is own but I think in general the experiences we have and the growth from those experiences helps us to be a little bit wiser and more practical on what to look for and I guess the Magic of God's timing will make it happen, that's what I believe.