Honor your heart

I don't know what it is but I seem to always attract older men who wants to help me for some reason.  What made him come up to me and say "whatever it is it's not too late".  WTF!  Excuse me what does that mean?  What is on my forehead for you to express your thoughts upon me.  My gosh!  My girlfriend and I were hanging at this new soul food restaurant which I can say is a happening place to be.  Love the atmosphere.  This older gentlemen kept asking us to dance.  We kept brushing him off but was laughing with him along the way.  This time he was asking deeper questions like asking my age and  where my grand parents are from.  Then he said we must of met before.  I'm thinking old man don't think your game is going to run on me now.  Lets not insult injury here.  I may look bitter but don't try to play me for a young fool.  Anyways I wasn't looking bitter.  My girlfriend and I were enjoying ourselves and you can just see the glow in our smiles because this place looked a little stuffy.  No wonder he kept coming by us.  He said he's 60 years old but he looks like a nice 50 with his charm.  Out of nowhere when my girl went to the restroom he said "it's not too late for whatever you're looking for"  I said define what's late for you, as if I knew what he's talking about.  Heck I played along with it because attention never hurts right?.  He said, "you look like God's child."  "Excuse me", just to clarify what he' was saying.  He said "you're God's child right?"  I said, "we all are", with a smart smile.  He said "don't worry he can give you the world but he must honor your heart."  I just teared, I don't know where he came up with that but it hit the core.  It hit the core of what's needed in general.  Honor your heart is the most beautiful thing I've heard in a long time.  It was just nice to hear that and all his bs he was trying to spill opened a window of respect for this older man.  It was nice for him to share, as he was brushing off of saying too much.  But it was nice to hear and a nice reminder for us women that this is what men should do.  It's rare to find but when he does, he deserves the world .............from you.

Bittersweet

Been there done that

So my girlfriend has this dilemma which is fasincinating because it affects me too.  Yes we are not getting any younger so our preferences are starting to change.  The superficial values don't matter as much as before, you know looks, hmn looks, oh yeah looks and personality.  Personality comes to play more and the value system and maybe financial background, and education starts to pan out.  These items are starting to tie in to what you want in a partner on whom you want to build something long term with.  This is what you want, correct?  Like I said before we all have a list but how often do we really stick to it.  Time goes by because you haven't found anyone that fits your list until now so you make an exception because well he's nice and he's showing interest and making an effort.  You can't fault him for trying and it's always nice to get attention.  No one will pass that up.  So things are going smoothly, he's charming, funny, he pays for everything, you guys are just enjoying each others company.  You're starting to get comfortable, attached, and you're starting to have that dependent feeling.  Then you check yourself......Then that moment comes, that silent moment where you have that quick thought, if he's someone I can be committed to for now, for a while, or maybe to fall in love with.  For me I know if I can commit.  If I can be faithful to, If I can see myself falling in love with you.  Right now I haven't thought beyond that because I'm not sure if I want to go there with you.  And why is it that I haven't looked beyond this moment.  Maybe deep down I know he hasn't fit the description on my list or what I'm looking for long term.  It's not so much physical anymore than how he treats me but are we truly compatible for each other.  Am I someone he needs and is he someone I need to grow with.  Like I said I knew and know from the beginning what I wanted before I met him and I know how I can be when I'm with him.  You are stuck in two different directions with no path chosen ....yet.  Which path should you follow  head or heart?  I've been there done that, lesson learned.  For me my head is saying to protect my heart.  Therefore I shouldn't settle for anything less than what will satisfy me.  All good things come to an end I suppose. 

You can't help it

I was thinking about the list my girlfriend brought up.  We all have a list if you like it or not.  It may not literally be written but it's also known as preference.  If I asked you what's your preference you would generally give me a list of what you're looking for, correct?  Yes, same difference.  Now that that's clear, I would say that we all know within a few minutes what we are attracted to.  You can't help it, you know what you're attracted to.  So when you finally find someone who fits that list and that person gives you the time of day.  Even if he doesn't give you the time of day, you will find a way to make it happen.  Trust it will happen.  Now that you got that connection, you're going to run with it and it's like "love at first sight".  The passion, the exhilaration, excitement, this whole euphoria just bursts into this fantasy of your partner.  You start doing things you wouldn't fathom to do with a regular dude you been killing time with, but this guy....you can't say no.  Even if everyone else is saying no, he is your man.  Man how do I know the feeling.  Then you start to think it's love.  For me it wasn't the love so much of what couples define love to be but I can say for me it was the love I wanted to give and give and see no faults within him.  You may say I was a fool in love but for the most part my head was still intact.  I can vouch to say that I wouldn't compromise myself to serve him.  So I wasn't that blinded but I can say that he was someone I longed for for a long time and it was just nice to have someone I'm looking for to cross my path.  You can't help it!  What I took from it though is that the experience is something I can never forget and I know the love that I had for him is possible for the next person.  Trust me it's a rare incident to give my love completely but the reward is that much bigger and the risk is that much at stake to find someone where you fit his list as well.  Until then never settle for anything less than what you desire for yourself!  Make that list count!

He's not ready

It took me 3 wine glasses and 2 sake bombers for me to say this.  I've accepted it for what it is.  For he to say he's not ready, says he's not ready.  I'm not going to sugar coat it or make it an excuse.  He wants to continue to see me and treat me like a lady but the purpose is no use.  He's not ready.  I'm drowned with 2 glasses of sake and 3 wine glasses and my vision seems all too clear.  As much as I want to be with him and yearn for his desires it's still clear....he's not ready.  I can't make him.  Nor can I make him realize that I am.  Because I am ready, ready for what may happen, ready that the possibilities of what can happen, I am ready for.  It's so easy for others to face reality but for me it's so much more.  It's the more that I plan, it's the more that I seek, it's the more that I yearn for and the desire that I speak.  Whatever that me be he's still not ready for me and what's so sad to say is that he still can't explain but yet he still wants to continue to see me.  What more can you see, what I'm giving myself and showing myself, is for you to seek.  I say seek a lot because it's the purpose to discover but yet my lover is hiding in covers.  I don't know anymore and I'm trying to face truth.  I'm tired and worn out and there's no place to escape.  Whoever has pity on me no need to try. I've covered my eyes and I can no longer lie.  It is what it is and there's no story behind us, just like he said he's not ready to bind us.

So that's what it comes down to?

This is part two from when I met the gal at the bar.  Reference back to "Hair talk".  So the gal I met at the bar was filling me on on how she's meeting with her ex husband's current wife and his jump off.  Yes please, read again for clarification.  According to her, she and the ex's wife are friends.  Well they get along.  So from what I get the husband has been cheating on the current wife with another woman who happens to carry his child.  The wife is still with her husband so obviously they are working it out.  So now that the child is now 2, they are all planning to meet to discuss how they can work as a family because the husband has taken full responsibility for the child.  YES, you read it correctly......Ok now that I stated the facts let me tell you my observation from this mess as I side eye her.  So the gal was telling me this as a gossip tip because she can't fathom it either but since she's trying to support her "friend" she's going to be there.  The gal does have an older daughter from her ex husband so I can see how she's still in the mix.  The current wife has two kids from her husband as well and I believe they're still young under 5.  So now that the jump off's kid is now 2 they figured they need to get to know their brothers and sisters.  This is the first time meeting the woman in person and meeting the kid for the first time.  All I had to do was kept drinking my beer and listen as this story unfolded so entertainingly.  The current wife walks through the door.  She's attractive actually both ladies are attractive, I say late 20's early 30's.  They seem very mature, got off from work attire.  They were definitely far off from Jerry Springer category.  The gal introduced us.  I didn't care to be introduced but why not.  They both sat to my right as I kinda kept to myself "minding my business".  All I could hear from the side of my ear, is she's already an hr. late .....then the wife started, saying how she be praised for being the bigger person and making the effort.....I'm sitting here like this chick doesn't owe her anything.  Then I started to look at her as she started whining and I slowly started to lose respect.  I don't know.  Just the whole mess threw me off but then she started hating on the other chick as if she the victim for trying to do right.  I was getting buzzed and annoyed by the nonsense and then the gal was just egging her on about how this chick should be appreciating her and taking her child in and being the bigger person.  WTF! They were starting to sound bitter and upset for the fact this chick stood both of them up like a fool.  A few minutes goes by and the jump off chick walks in with her son and they call got up with fake smiles, as I watched them react.  I looked at the other chick and I can say both of them did have one up on looks.  I'm sorry ,yall know chicks measure like that.  But the real measure is she still got her man lmao!  That's wrong, my bad.  They said their goodbyes to me and the gal asked for my number so we can meet up again.  In my head, the hell we won't.  I'm not trying to affiliate drama like that lol.  Anyways so I got to thinking dam three chicks been with this dude and they all seem to support and condone what he's been done to them and yet they all manage to work it out for the sake of the kids.  I'm not sure how healthy this can be, but if I was his kid, I'm sure dam confused as to what Daddy is doing.  Oh well to each is own, I guess there's a reward for being the bigger person or is it a fool and his gold shall soon be departed?

The hand that rocks the cradle is the cradle that rules the world.

I needed a friend to clarify this but now I get it.  So I was thinking about the whole dating game today and how it's changed so much from back then.  I guess I haven't lived long enough to know, compared to the generation of my parents, but I can say that whatever the game is today I really don't want it to get worse for our next generation behind us.  I see right now my generation youngins of our 30's and below are going to run things in the next 2 decades.  And I'm afraid that values and morals are slowing being put to the side for mainstream media and what society depicts as "in or out".  I for one don't watch television anymore so I couldn't tell you what's hip or not.  Nor do I care, but what I do care are the young kids falling into this trap.  Instead of focusing on their individuality they are slowly following television on what they think they should be.  When I was younger we didn't watch much television.  Me, my brother and sister always played outside and hung outside till the sun went down.  With video games, internet, and reality shows, it's become such a brain teaser and before you know it they'll reach their adolescent years with no source of foundation of values and direction on what's important in life.  I feel for these kids and I just hope my generation now doesn't allow this to continue to happen.  I hope these kids find themselves early before they easily drift off to being part of society to where young kids have to harden their hearts for fear of getting hurt or playing games for personal gratification.  I know this is an ongoing cycle but I want young girls and boys to at least in their lifetime to experience puppy love and not be so dogged out and pregnant so soon to where they lose their childhood.  Before it was a rare exception but I hope the next generation doesn't think it's common.  I would hope we all continue to maintain that age of innocence for our young kids and maybe they can change the game in their lifetime. 

Does this count?

So I was thinking about the whole union of marriage and I thought I came up with a great idea.  This guy pointed out his opinion that he and his girl been together for years now. They live together and they both vowed to be committed for life.  He agrees, that they are practically married.  So I thought then why not get married but not on a legal term, that way they both benefit.  She still gets her dream wedding and share those vows in front of loved ones.  I'm sure she wouldn't pass this up and he still gets the "out" feeling sense of security.  When I say "out" its that justification men make for if they break up they can easily walk away.  No divorce drama etc.  I mean that's the real reason why people don't want to get married right?  Anyways I'm thinking why not?  There's no legality behind it.  They both would continue to file single on their taxes but for the most part they can wear a ring like married couples, they can purchase a home like married couples, shared bank accounts, and now soon to be new laws which will eventually take place for couples having legal rights to unmarried partners, hence "gay" rights.  I think this is a great idea.  And the best part is, if they break up they can both walk away from it just like any break up....until there's kids involved.  Then things get complicated and more on a deeper level regards to the welfare of the child and then finances, then property, then emotional heart ache.  Then the two of you can't agree on anything, to where now you do need a lawyer and it's back to court all over again.  Hmn....where am I going with this?  I guess my point is there's no right way about going on with a marriage, partnership, arrangement, agreement, promise, whatever you call it that binds "love" together.  All in all a commitment is an agreement between two people period.  So it does take a leap of faith to get involved in such an honorable hold for one person on both ends to make.  So I say this, it isn't marriage that should deter anyone, it should be the fact that making sure that person is right for you and you right for him is the risk we are both willing to take.  And that my friend doesn't guarantee anything.  Cheers!

That's how you do it

I went to this open mic/poet bar last night with a group of friends.  It was a nice setting. The ambiance was right for a smooth evening of good music, wine by your side, and just listening to people speak their minds and their hearts.  It's always refreshing to hear others share their feelings and thoughts because it just keeps you grounded to know there are others going through their own lives.  My girls and I were looking nice and the men out there were looking just as sharp.  It's definitely an evening where couples would enjoy this atmosphere.  One poet came to the stand he was the feature poet for the evening and he had one special poem dedicated to a lovely young lady sitting at the bar.  He dedicated this poem to her from a young gentleman across the room.  As the poet read his beautiful poem you just saw these two blushing with smiles.  Everyone started clapping, while she's completely embarrassed and surely flattered and he just smiled with confidence with a team of supporters cheering him on.  I was just blushing for her.  It was the cutest thing ever.  That moment I thought now that's how you get a girl's attention.  Matter of fact she will never forget that moment.  This is a story she can share to her girlfriends for a long time on what a charming stranger did for her.  I started to wonder what ever happened to that.  What happened to the courtship of a man showing his charm, trying to impress you, wanting to get your attention.  Now a days it seems like buying you a drink is enough to exchange numbers and go from there.  Whatever happened to just showing a woman a good time and making her feel special to where it evolves into something more.  I guess it doesn't take much for men to impress women because women don't let themselves to be courted.  I was deeply impressed and applaud that young man for having the confidence, guts, and humility to put himself out there for her and to the rest of the people at the bar.  I hope she takes that moment as a rare flattering incident that shouldn't be taken lightly and for he to take that chance of getting to know her.