Checking IN..............6 months later

It's weird, before I was so motivated to blog and write about something that interested me.  I would say, ooh that's a good story to blog about but when I get home sometimes I sulk, worry, or just shut myself from the world.  The last thing I want to do is talk about my feelings because before that's all I wanted to do is talk about my feelings.  But now I'm feeling numb to it all.  I think I'm just tired of experiencing things that's not making me happy, that's not lifting my spirits, whether it's relationships or work.  Lately, I've just been consumed with work and worrying about my career to where I tend to second guess who I am.  It's crazy but it's true.  You work your whole life going to school, succeeding in your career and then only to have doubts when things don't go your way.  That goes for relationships too.   I presume it's natural to experience that but now I'm questioning well what if I did give it all up? What would I really be doing with my life?  Because this life right here is all I know, what I worked hard for, what I stayed devoted and committed to.  This is what I built for myself to provide the security and lifestyle I desired and chose to live.  Heck I don't think we have any other choice to survive.  So for me to question and give it all up and start over is even scarier than ever.  I just don't know what I'm doing.  But how I feel is what I yearn for....to be happy.  Right now I'm still looking to see what it is that will make me happy.  I know it's a process we all have to reach.  The last thing I need to  worry about is loving someone else.  I need to find the love for myself.  It's the second half of 2011 my friends and the past 6 months have flew right by me.  My goals have drifted a bit off course since my "Happy Ending to new Beginnings" blog back in December.  I still have another 6 months to reach them but I promise myself for the rest of this year I will be in control and make a conscious effort to stay in control to find my happiness.