A new gal of mine from work, in which we happened to have met before we found out we work for the same company, is going through something I experienced several years ago. Actually I'm sure we all have experienced it it's called "break up". Well for her she is going through exactly what I went through with a man I so fell in love with. The thing is she gave him 3 years. I gave him 12 months. Of course the love we had for our partners have no comparison nor time stamp but the feelings we experienced I say were pretty close. I knew what she was going through and I felt her pain. She's in it 6 months grieving but getting through it. She tells me her stories and her resentments, and how she wish etc. but in the end he couldn't give her what she wanted and he was the bigger man to walk away and for her to mutually agree. However, this 6 month period hasn't really been truly a break up. It's just been them slowly dragging it out till someone finds someone else or just ends it completely. It's truly harder than it seems. You think the verbal break up sums up what it is but backing out and completely walking away is harder than it seems. It's funny cuz I don't think anyone can truly experience the pain of breaking up until they actually do break up cold turkey style. For me, eventually it seems like that is the only way to truly move on. To truly reflect on your feelings and to force yourself to face reality that it is OVER. I feel her completely because it took me a long time to move on. Meaning letting it go and getting back to myself again. Of course the experience of a heartache will always have an affect on you and there is a little piece that has matured and changed you a little bit, but the essence if you, the core of getting back to what makes you happy or feeling normal again takes nothing but TIME. That is the true answer to grieving and no matter how you slice it, it's just how much time does one have to take....prolong it by having the on and off break up or face it now and heal sooner than you think. But to each is own and I know for me, for me to find who I was again after losing my dreams with someone is to break away completely and to move forward on a new path of finding love. For her I couldn't say much but listened to her. It's just funny cuz I totally see myself in her shoes and now I see myself as the friend when I was going through her emotions. I guess the story doesn't change it just changes hands with different perspectives huh? For me now that I can empathize what she's going through I have no worries that in the end she will get over it and she will be ok and that she will find someone on her path, eventually.
very well said. I have loved and managed to be good friends afterwards. Now I'm wondering if the older I get the more distance I need to place on it. If you don't you always wonder what would've been... Anyways you're right. Some people can do friendship thing after, some can not. Some have more perspective on it and can look at it and say, we both did what we could at that time. To each his own.. But you did the best thing you could. Listen and support HER decisions. Don't try to live through her and drill your opinions on her... it's true though.. just different perspectives and people.
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