I had a humbling experience yesterday with a male friend of mine. I guess because he was straight forward and said how he felt a few minutes after our incident. I knew he was upset by his reaction. Here's the story. I joined him for an early dinner yesterday because we planned to go somewhere else later in the evening. While we were having dinner he was also expecting to meet another gal to join us for drinks. Ok that's fine he's done that before and it's cool. So you know me being friendly and sociable as I am, she and I were chatting. Typical conversation so how did you meet so and so. She responds with a gush laugh that she met him online. I said "oh wow I'm not surprised he meets a lot of people online, I suppose that's how he knows so many people". That was it didn't think nothing of it. To me it was just a casual conversation maybe me talking out loud but I was saying in a playful manner. Later into our conversation as my male friend joined us she instantly said out loud in a teasing manner "so I hear you meet a lot of people online". We both laughed and he instantly looked at me and walked away. We both were questioning why was he upset. He stepped away for a while and she questioned if she offended him and I took it as maybe he didn't want you to know that...for whatever reason they are if they were friends or more or any potential interest. From her perspective she brought it up cuz maybe deep down she was questioning how many people does he meet online and from his perspective he didn't want her to think he meets a lot of women online, in which he truly does. I'm a witness to that. Anyways that's not the point...I see his issue between us because it wasn't my place to share unnecessary information for whatever it may be. He immediately text me and said "We are going to have to stop hanging. Some things are better left unsaid". From that I knew he was upset. I had to confront him because the last thing I need to do is have this awkward tension between us. He said that I've been sharing a lot of unnecessary information and he's been hearing it coming from me. Ok first off I don't talk about him like that...if anything I say nothing but nice comments where I've stuck up for him. But somehow the females he's hearing story from are misconstruing the story and pointing out the negative issues to him. But you know what...he can't even blame the issues with me because what I don't understand is why he keeps bringing females he meets around me. I don't get it! It's like I'm his wing man to get girls so the women can see he's a nice guy because someone like me is friend's with him. I'm starting to see his angle. Yes he is a great resource to know because he has introduced me to great people and great parties but in a way I suppose it's a even split amongst our friendship. Maybe we're using each other I don't know. But my intention with him has always been honest that I do value his friendship and maybe the added benefit is because he knows people but I never looked at him on becoming his friend because of that. He is overall a genuine good person. But I'm not sure what added benefit he gets by hanging out with me ...I suppose closing the deal with chicks. What I don't get is now I need to start becoming conscience on what unnecessary information is....clearly little things to me means a lot to someone else. I think it would be easier if guys stop playing games and making it complicated than what it needs to be. Unfortunately I'm stuck in the middle. Anyways we had a heart to heart talk yesterday and maybe I do need to keep things to myself when I'm introduced to new people about someone else because it seems like me sharing harmless unnecessary information is clearly doing damage to his reputation?
Ok Estelle.. I've known you a minute. I think sometimes you talk before you think. I've told you that time and time again. Maybe the point is you don't share information about him to anyone else. I.e. let them get to know each other themselves. Just my two cents! Love ya girl ;)
ReplyDeletePlease tell me neither of them read your blog! I agree w/Tara and I think it would help you out if you utilize the Golden Rule. Put yourself in his position and imagine him putting you on blast before you can even make your own impression...I believe some social groups call that cock blocking? lol You gotta know your role and breathe easy son!:)
ReplyDeleteHey Estelle. I can relate to what you mentioned to the female, you sincerely thought it was harmless and had no ill intentions with mentioning it. Been there before and had it bite me in the butt too. I try to be as honest as possible at all times. I've learned that some people for whatever reason have off limit topics or hush hush circumstances that they are willing to share with me behind closed doors but not in public. Even more so I've experienced friends that willingly gave up info in one setting but when I brought it up in another environment thinking it was ok to do so, I got a smack on the hand. Some folks like to have control over their personal info and pick and choose when they want to dish it out. Usually because theyre painting a prettier picture than real life depicts. Does that make it challenging to have free open convo in every environment? Yes. Do they have the right to be picky? Absolutely, its their business. With those capricious friends of mine, Ive learned to keep topics very general while around others and let them be the bearer of their own bad news or secrets should they choose to do so. The previous way only led me to judging them because they werent being real or honest, but thats not my place to judge. I agree that maybe you have to separate yourself from this friend and let him learn from his decisions on his own. Hopefully he will see that you meant no harm and a true friendship will blossom in the future.
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