That dress

You're at the mall, not really to go shopping but something to do to get out the house.  The mall is always a fun escape because there's people around doing the same thing you're doing.  You can browse see what's new, try on clothes, pick up ideas for when you do want to purchase something in the future, daydreaming picturing yourself having that one expensive item one day, or just curious to see the prices on things.  You continue to walk around and browse and there's this one shop that's going out of business.  Everything 85% off!  I'm talking about cute clothes too to where there's so much to choose from you don't even know what to pick.  What's worse is there's only one of it's kind left so whatever you're looking for is it.  What you see is what you get.  What a bummer when things are too good to be true because when it does come up, best believe you're not the only one who notices.  But see you did happen to walk by when the guy put the sign out, so you are the first to notice.  You go in thinking ok I know I wasn't planning to purchase anything major.  If anything you may come out with a shirt that was on sale that you budgeted for.  But you're thinking in your head, ok depends on what it is because I wasn't planning on spending much.  You look around there's so much cute stuff but even after the sales price, it's still a little over priced for you.  You continue to look and look and my gosh there it is.  This dress you happen to notice hanging on the wall.  Of course it's one of it's kind and that dress is calling your name.  You just know how gorgeous it is and how cute you will be in it and how much compliments you'll get when everyone sees you in this beautiful dress.  You just got to have it!  At this point you don't even care about the other items are in the store.  Besides you did breeze through the racks twice and nothing pinned you ....until you looked up.  So you definitely know for sure there's nothing else that you want.  You just know how this dress will make you feel.  The sales clerk brings the dress down and tells you the price.  Your mouth dropped.  "Even after the sales discount, it's still that much?"  No way you're thinking that price? but then again of course a dress like that is rare to find it's definitely one of a kind.  The quality it's made from does explain a lot after you justify to yourself.  Hmn you think, ok well at least let me try just to see how I look.  You try the dress on and it's a bit snugly, matter a fact you need help to make the dress fit.  Finally after sucking in your breath and holding it for 5 secs. you're able to maintain your posture.  You look in that mirror and say wow I know I will look good after I lose a few pounds, then I know I will be fabulous.  So then as you're taking the dress off you're trying not to stretch it out and ruin the shape of it so again you try your best to snuggle your way out and the more you try the more you start to suffocate and then you're stuck.  You're stuck in this odd angle of taking this dress off.  You pause for a moment to take a deep breath and you make one more last pull before you're completely free but again your chest is in the way and it's even harder and harder to take the dress off.  Now you're thinking there's no way I can go through this again trying to fit in this dress.  I definitely have to lose wait to fit in this comfortably.  Ugh you're feeling suffocated again and this time your arms are starting to feel sore and the dress is leaving marks all over your body from the pull.  Finally after a process of slowing getting out of it you're free.  At this point you don't even care about catching your breath you're just worried that you didn't ruin the dress.  Yes the dress is still intact for the most part.  You hold it against your body looking at the mirror and you say, I know this will work out once I lose the weight.  I slowly look at the price tag again and then it hit me how much I'm going to have to cut other costs to make up for paying this dress.  This dress is going to cost a pretty penny that I don't have right now nor will I have in a couple of months for that matter.  There's going to be a lot of adjustments for me to make to get this dress and to wear this dress.  I'm going to have to work out and save money at the same time all the while of not having the luxury of enjoying this dress to wear right now.  I took a deep breath and stared at it for a long long time in that dressing room.  The sales clerk kept asking me if I was alright.  I don't know I said but don't worry.  She walked off confused and so was I, cuz I really do not know what to do.  Should I buy it or walk away.  This dress will give me the push I need to fit in it but the price will put a dent in my wallet.  By the time I'm ready to fit into the dress I won't have any money to go out to.  But if I don't buy the dress then nothings lost.  It's as if I was back to where I started in the first place fantasizing what that dress would be like wearing it.  My heart says yes but my head says no......Yes that dress is gorgeous but I'm not sure the value of that dress is worth me struggling for.  It shouldn't be this hard thinking about it or purchasing it after UGH! After my meltdown I finally stepped outside the box. That dress is for someone who has the money and has a nice shape to appreciate it.  And I know that there's another store around the corner that has a better price and cute dresses.  But if I want a dress like that again then maybe I should work on saving now and losing weight to where that right dress will come along and when it does I will be ready and willing to make that big purchase.