No one wants to hear the truth anymore...

This past weekend was a 3 day weekend for me so I took the opportunity to use my free time and go somewhere else outside of my city.  I still had this free hotel stay to use and I never been to San Antonio before so I said what the heck now seems like the right time.  I don't usually tell my small circle of friends my plans but if they ask I'll tell them.  Well actually they don't ask until I'm not able to join their festivities then I'm forced to explain why I can't.  I tell my guy buddy that I'll be out of town this weekend.  He slowly begins to pry and ask if it's vacation or work etc.  I told him the truth its a small getaway by myself.  He asked, "why are you serious?"  Ok, I understand its odd for a young gal to travel alone.  I get it.  Actually I wasn't planning to travel alone. I did have someone special in mind but he's no longer special in my life.  Then I asked my good friend to join but it's hard for her to say no and I feel like I'm forcing her so I didn't put the pressure.  Keep in mind I was planning to go on this trip for several months now hoping I'll have someone to tag along.  So now that this 3 day weekend is coming up I figured its now or never.  To be honest I was going to push on never because when I couldn't find anyone to go with I just brushed it off and let my special expire.  My dad was my confirmation that I should go.  We were talking like normal and I was telling how complacent and bored I've been getting and he suggested I go somewhere get out the city even if no one can go with me.  "You don't have to wait for anyone to do what you want", he said.  He is exactly right.  He had no idea I was planning on a trip to begin with.  Heck I've been to another country where English was the second language.  Why did I second guess going alone.  The truth is I didn't want to go alone.  So with that my friend continued to beg for the truth as to who I'm really going with.  I said "It's just me".  Then he starts to laugh and says "Estelle you don't have to lie to me. I thought we were better friends than that, so who's the guy?" then I started to laugh for the fact he didn't believe me.  His banter was more insulting than joking because I was being serious in a non-chalant way and he finds my "alone" trip to be humorous.  So for me to avoid the extra explanation as to why I'm going by myself to get away and do me I played along and lied "he's an old friend from back home.  We both are off Monday so he's never been to the city either".  Then he started asking about the guy and our background and I continue to lie to where its coming easy to me as if there is a real person that existed.  I brushed the subject off and started to think wow my story is more believeable than the truth because again a single gal going away alone just doesn't sound appealing or realistic to hear.  Well my friend.... just goes to show how much you know someone or the fact he doesn't really know me or want to get to know the real me when the whole time I've been myself.  Well that's what I'll continue to do, be myself by myself.

I'm no longer interested

Time has flown from my last blog "Does that mean he's interested?" well to recap from that blog it's obvious I'm no longer interested in him.  He was very much interested in me and a very nice guy.  I have to say dating someone for some time does give you a general sense if you're interested or not per say....of course right :)  I got to thinking man I was so clueless, excited and nervous when I first met him and excited at first to go on dates.  So why didn't it last?  My answer is I don't know.  I still don't know.  There's nothing he did or say to put me off but from the whole time we spent together I still wasn't sure to prolong our relationship.  There was no definite answer to how I felt or how I saw him.  It was more of just being and enjoying each others' company but I can't even say "enjoying" is the right word.  It was more indifferent to be exact.  My friends say I didn't like him or there was no spark but I didn't mind hanging out with him.  I don't know.  And as I'm still writing this I still don't know why I'm not interested.  Maybe that is my answer because I don't know and to know that I don't know how to feel or understand what it is with us is enough to say no and I'm ok with that.  I may have shorted myself on getting to know the potential of us but from the time we spent together was sufficient to see what it is right now and that's being indifferent.  I don't think that's a good start to falling in love with someone.  Therefore I pass.

P.S.
We are still friends.